Life on the Murderscene

I’m stressed because we’re supposed to be moving within the next month or so and right now I don’t have another job nor do I have as much money saved as I thought I would. Mostly, I just do not have my school loans that I took out to help me fix vehicles and pay for my living situation so I wouldn’t have to worry about it and here I am, worrying myself to near panic over the whole situation.

I can no longer live at my parents. This must change, so I’m changing it. However, I only have enough saved that I can afford rent for maybe two months (with utilities) as well as partial of the security payment. And I Need to come up with the money for the vacation Ann and I are taking in June.

I really just need to put in the formal application to CYC about the after school position and hopefully work at their summer camp. I have a phone interview with KEC Camps later for their summer camp in rexford but it’s at a country club… whereas CYC had no problem with my mohawk I think they probably will. 

AHHHH STRESS. And look some random dude just sat near me and I need to plug in my laptop so it doesn’t die. BOOOO. 

I’m so motivated until I think of having to call about apartments and then about having to go outside and unbury my car and of course there’s the fact that I have to go to work tomorrow and I really am over this season - it’s so hard to go and fake a smile every day. 

I need to find a new job and I need to figure out what I’m doing with my car because honestly I cannot afford to keep dumping hundreds of dollars into it every month to keep it running. 

And then I have a lot of stuff in the room I still need to go through and organize and I know I’ll feel better when it’s done but it’s just the whole doing it that’s hard. BLAR.

I also want to shower but there’s no point in showering if I’m going to get all gross again BOOOO. 

I need to go change my oil and my front brake pads and I’m just like NOOOOO because honestly that’s a lot of work and why can’t cars just like.. not fall apart on the daily and need all of this maintenance and crap? 

I guess I should go get on that though so we can go do whatever it is we need to do on this beautiful day since we always take Ann’s car and I feel bad about it. (She had to drive me to school yesterday because I don’t wanna fuck up my rotors and I know my brake pads are horrid.)

Blar I also only have like $4 in my bank account (at least in my checking) which sucks but I mean whatever. And then I get paid tomorrow but I’m only getting $80 (so its $160something but I have 50% go into my savings) which shall be interesting to try and get by on for a week but whatever that’s why I have a savings account, right?

OH WAIT I just remembered I still have to put my federal refund check in the bank TODAY woot that makes a lot of things better OKAY Going to get shiz done I suppose. 

Reasons why I rent from Chegg: 21 day money back guarantee. Totally sending back my $70 statistics book that we aren’t even going to use. I need the money!

I don’t know what’s more infuriating, being signed up for school, but not for classes or the fact that my girlfriend is signed up for classes, but her financial aid won’t go through so they keep getting dropped.

On one hand, I sign up for classes on Friday (which they start next week so what the hell), but I’ll be able to pay most of my bill right away. My girlfriend, however, relies on financial aid to pay for her classes and they’re saying she needs some IRS tax form thing that takes 5-10 business days to arrive in the mail after you order it. So she’s pissed because she has filled out the fafsa and now they want more, which is beyond infuriating. So if she does wait in order to get the IRS form she’ll be a week late in her classes which I mean isn’t too bad but she doesn’t want that.

Education should seriously be free, or cheaper than it is. And these colleges need to realize that not all young adults are wealthy or come from wealthy backgrounds. In fact - most of us work full time jobs just so we can go to college. And we rely on financial aid to pay for school for us. I mean, I can’t talk because I am lucky and I had money set aside for me, but watching my girlfriend go through this is heartbreaking especially since we’ve dealt with so much shit from that fucking college that it’s constantly a downer. 

Like seriously, the government is taking more taxes from us now and putting the money towards what? The debt caused by the war and pulling major corporations out of bankruptcy? It’s fucking bonkers! They keep making the education budget smaller and smaller and keep putting more money towards “defense”. Well fuck that - the best defense they’ll have is a smart future. A smart future starts with us and we won’t get that if we cannot go to college. It’s becoming more and more impossible for people to go to college just due to the cost of everything.

So fed up and maybe it sounds like I’m rambling but I’ve just had it. I’m really fed up with our government and our nation right now. There needs to be a serious change and soon. Something needs to happen, we need to do a total 180 on our spending habits and fast. I wouldn’t mind having more taxes taken out of my paycheck if it were going to something useful. 

I like having money, well what money I have. I like watching my savings account grow and I like knowing I have a security net. 

What I don’t like is not having time, not having energy, not having the relaxed set of life to enjoy it. Sitting home on a saturday night was not my idea of a life. (Although thanks to free movie channel weekends, I’m watching Shameless and I’m addicted at the moment.) Being stressed out about work at 20 is not my idea of a fun life. 

Not even sure what to do. School starts on the 23rd. Going to be taking 15 credits or more, we’ll see. On top of working full time. What even. 

Can’t even think of what to write. I guess I’m a mix of blank minded because I’m stressed and totally zoned into Shameless. Blargh, I just miss having time to cuddle and sex with my girlfriend ^^;;; totally tempted to call in tomorrow. 

Totally ready to move out of my parents house already. 

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Losing my mind just a bit. So much to do, so little time. Today is like the last day for me to really get shit in order in this room before Christmas week (which we have 100+ kids on the books for tomorrow now which is good but going to be fun seeing as how the most we have had are 30 so far). 

Totally also spent more than I wanted to today, but honestly I would have spent it regardless because I needed to finish my christmas shopping as well as stock up on Mountain Dew and Monster.

Otherwise everything is pretty fabulous, I just need to figure out where to begin with my room. 

Tomorrow I am going to work with Ann which means I get to sit in an empty lodge and chill out on my laptop until lunch time. We’re gonna nom at the tavern (WHICH MEANS MAC&CHEESE WOOOO) and then she works some more. After work we’re going to put the first half of our security deposit down on our apartment and then running to pittsfield for gas and probably wandering stores because we won’t want to come home.

Anyways, I’m going to use that time to probably tear apart my notebook that I used for this semester so I can use it next semester, re-do my tumblr layout, possibly read, possibly journal…. and maybe write some poetry/short stories if I can since I’m going to submit stuff to some lit magazine. 

But anyways I’ll be a lot more comfortable there than I will be here, and I’m excited to go with her. Especially because shit between us and her parents has been kind of crap. How many days? 19? 18-ish. =] 

Maybe sooner, hopefully he’ll have more of it done and we’ll be able to move in before christmas week. That would be ideal. 

What else… oh someone is interested in buying my snowboard which would be nice although I was just thinking about using it to go boarding because I miss it. Oh well. I need the money more than anything.

Life right now is okay, I am content. 

Woot! Ann gets out of work early which means I don’t have to drive to Troy alone to go to the bank. It also means we can get some noms because I’m horrible with my money and really don’t give a fuck. =D